Bachelor Party
by Plikk1t
Summary: I submitted this to a Novel Novice Twilight contest and won an honorable mention. Ever wonder what went down during Edward's bachelor party? Here's a oneshot.


My fingers dug into the tawny fur; with one swift twist, I snapped the cat's neck. Its body went limp in my hands, and my thirst flared like a wildfire, searing my throat. All this occurred in midair, as I fell smoothly from the height to which I'd jumped to intercept the creature. Landing softly on the forest floor, I glanced around with instinctive wariness before lowering the lion to the damp, moldering leaves and sinking to my knees. I bent to bury my teeth in its flesh. To any (unfortunate) passerby, I might have been nuzzling the beast.

I kept my eyes up and alert as I drank. The darkness was thick, but I needed no light to see the tiniest, most minute details of every leaf, every curl of bark, every flicker of every star scattered across the sky. The mountains were at peace. It was probably a lovely evening to any person who had not witnessed thousands; any person half of whose attention was not fixed on imbibing hot blood; any person not about to be married to the love of his existence the next day.

I gave myself every excuse not to care overmuch about my surroundings. Those of my thoughts that were not focused on hunting were with the girl I'd left not ten minutes ago, miles away, curled in her rumpled bed. Seeing her face in my mind, a stirring sensation to which I had yet to become accustomed shot down my spine and settled in my abdomen. A minute passed while I dealt with the odd feeling before I realized that I was sucking on an empty corpse.

I pushed the lion away from me, sated but still unsatisfied, a frown on my face. A bachelor party was not where I wanted to be. And yet, for the sake of my brothers…

Interrupting my thoughts, Emmett crashed noisily through the nearby undergrowth, howling his weird triumphant howl. He had a fully grown bull elk by the antlers and seemed to be enjoying himself immensely as he grappled with it, thrashing and twisting. Plumes of dead leaves flew into the air as the elk bellowed angrily and tossed his head about, trying to dislodge Emmett's iron grip. I smiled grimly; here was a battle that beast would not win. Emmett's grin was huge as he held the elk away from him with his arms; the struggling pair proceeded to back right over the corpse of my mountain lion, trampling it to bits.

Finally, Emmett reared back his head and rammed the top of his skull right between the elk's eyes. There was a resounding crack as the elk's skull split right up the middle, and an even more resounding thud as the animal crumpled to the ground in front of my brother.

"I assure you, the trees are all impressed," I told Emmett dryly as he bent down and fastened his teeth to his spoils. He somehow managed to grin at me around a mouthful of elk hair.

"We had planned to make this somewhat civilized," came Jasper's voice; my other brother had joined us from behind me, straightening his cream-colored sweater as he returned from his own kill, leveling a wry gaze at Emmett. "Something to contrast with typical bachelor parties. No alcohol, no exotic dancers." He flashed a grin.

"You may be fighting a losing battle, if you think hunting vampires can be called civilized by any standard," I told Jasper, but I smiled all the same. "I'm sure Bella appreciates the fact that you didn't drag me to a gentleman's club."

"But do you appreciate it?" Emmett asked loudly. He picked up the drained elk carcass by one leg and tossed it casually over his shoulder, where it careened into the trees and tumbled to a stop a hundred feet away. "This is your bachelor party, Edward; it's supposed to be about you and your last night as a single man. Whatever you want to do, Jasper and I'll make it happen. Am I right?" he asked Jasper.

Jasper half-smiled, throwing me a sympathetic glance before nodding and trying to sound solemn. "Right. Maybe we're boring you with all this."

I shook my head, chuckling. "You're not boring me. It's just that I don't exactly regret my engagement."

"Oh, we don't expect you to regret it, Edward—just to give all the things you're giving up a farewell salute," Emmett interjected.

"Such as…?"

Emmett began ticking off on his fingers.

"All that shameless flirting you do…well, you do a lot of it without meaning to, but really Edward, it can get out of hand," he added, stifling laughter, when I opened my mouth to disagree. "You manipulate the ladies."

Jasper was snickering. I folded my arms. "Next wonderful thing I'm throwing out the window?"

"Privacy. Believe me, women like to be in your business."

"I think that's just Rosalie, Emmett."

"No, it's definitely all women," Emmett replied, though he still threw a punch into my solarplexus. I smiled. "Back me up here, Jasper," Emmett intoned.

Jasper was chuckling at Emmett's antics, but he nodded with sincerity enough. "Alice isn't even satisfied with just my present. She snoops around in my future, too."

"Once again, extraordinary circumstances," I answered.

"Oh, I'm going to tell Bella you don't think she's extraordinary," Emmett cackled, kicking the mountain lion's paw out of his way.

I rolled my eyes. "Are you sure you hit puberty before you were changed?"

Jasper interrupted. "Edward, all we're saying is to take a thorough inventory of your life up to this point. Of course we don't want you to change your mind, but…isn't there anything you're going to miss, even a little?"

Because he asked so carefully, I considered it. Everything with real meaning in my life had entered it with Bella; outside of my family, I could recall no experience as sensational, as vivid, as worth keeping and remembering as all the moments, brief and extensive, I had spent with her up to this point. There seemed no other course of action but to marry her; anything else was utterly nonsensical. She was taking nothing away from me. Instead, she was giving me everything I could have ever hoped for.

I returned gradually to awareness, with the soft, fragrant mountain breeze stirring the nighttime forest, and the amber gazes of my brothers in the shadows of the trees. I think, somehow, they understood in that moment. Jasper's eyes were ancient and pensive as he waited for a response.

"Okay, you're right…I'd really like a keg of beer," I said matter-of-factly. Emmett roared with laughter and Jasper's eyes crinkled as he smiled.

A thought occurred to me as the three of us chuckled contently underneath the stars. Actually, the thought was not all that sudden; its themes had been my constant companions for quite some time now, dogging me with ever-increasing persistence as my wedding day drew near. That sensation flew down my spine again and soon had my long-inactive stomach clenching like a fist. Jasper sensed the shift in my mood immediately; he stopped laughing and eyed me suspiciously. Edward? He said in his thoughts.

I regarded him with an odd sense of nervousness; there was little that Jasper, more than twice my age and an avid traveler, had no experience with. I glanced at Emmett, who had finally caught on to Jasper's look and was staring back and forth between us. I heard confusion in his thoughts.

Jasper finally pinned down my mood. "You have a question, Edward." My eyes drifted to the forest behind him. I wasn't sure this was a topic I terribly wanted to bring up.

"What's up?" Emmett asked, nonchalant as ever. "Edward has a question? Shoot, bro."

I glared at Jasper for voicing my—for lack of a better word—curiosity. I struggled for a moment to overcome my embarrassment. These are your brothers, I reminded myself. They can handle themselves. And they know better than you, at any rate.

"There are…new things," I said finally into the quiet. Jasper's eyebrows rose slightly; Emmett's face remained anticipatory. "That come with marriage."

I wished Jasper wasn't quite so old and well-versed. Then again, this sort of experience had never been something by which I measured individuals. I'd never had reason to feel self-conscious.

I gritted my teeth, reprimanding myself, and opened my mouth again. "What will…what is sex like? For our kind?"

There was a beat of silence. Then, predictably, Emmett burst into howls of laughter, stamping his feet and practically dancing about in the underbrush. Jasper's eyebrows disappeared into his hair as he flattened his lips into an invisible line, fighting what I knew was a smile.

I leaned against a nearby tree and gave them time to recover. I could hear Jasper sorting through a lot of possible answers and questions in his mind as he stood stock still across from me, and I tried not to pick out specifics. Emmett's mind, of course, was convulsed with humor, with Sex! occasionally drifting across it.

"Oh man, Edward," Emmett eventually said breathlessly, straightening up and grinning widely at me, snorting once or twice. "Sorry. I just…that was the last thing I expected. I forgot you're a virgin."

"Glad to have reminded you," I said tersely.

"You seem really concerned about it, though, Edward," Jasper said, taking a step closer and cocking his head slightly. "You're more than just curious."

"Of course," I said, a bit too harshly. "It's Bella! I could hurt her so easily if we tried to…I don't know how much control I'll have." Desperation seeped into my voice, and I lifted one hand to my brow. "Being that close…and her smell…I tried to tell her all this, but she—"

"Wait a minute," Emmett said, holding up a calloused palm. "You said you tried to tell her? And she wouldn't listen?" He blinked a few times, unnecessarily. "Are you telling me…are you telling me Bella asked you for sex?"

I stared at him. "Yes. And she has no idea how danger—"He cut me off again.

"And you said no? What kind of a man are you?" Emmett demanded, throwing both arms up in the air and staring at me with an amazed expression.

"The kind that doesn't want to kill her!" I replied hotly, getting a little annoyed now. "Not all of us have uncontrollable libidos."

"No, I understand completely, Edward," Jasper was saying. "Emmett, use your head. Bella's human, and her scent seduces him more than anything else. He could break her in half."

"Not if she wants it," he said, sniggering.

"For God's sake, Emmett," Jasper said, exasperated. He turned to me. "But does she really…?" He could not hide the curiosity in his tone.

"Yes," I said tensely.

"And do you?"

I leveled an incredulous stare at him. "Don't you start insulting my manhood as well. Yes, of course I do."

"Consensual is always good," Emmett said, nodding his head with false solemnity.

"Well," Jasper said as both of us ignored our other brother. "I can say with some certainty that neither Emmett nor I have ever made love with a human…at least, not after we were changed." He seemed to smile inwardly, as if at a memory. I quickly muffled his thoughts. "So I can't say what kind of control it will require of you. A great deal, I'd imagine."

I groaned. "I know that already. It's hard enough being close to her at all."

Jasper's face seemed to display some sympathy. "But as to sex in general…well, we can speak to that." He paused. "It is…a very great pleasure. Especially for us, because we have such heightened senses."

"No comparison," Emmett said, controlling his expression and suddenly seeming more interested in the discussion. "Not to the human version. I would know. I had a little fun before the bear and the vamps got to me." He winked at me.

"I'd have to say the only thing better is human blood," Jasper added, his face thoughtful. I shuddered at the memories that arose unbidden, and a monstrous part of me hissed in pleasure. Human blood…if sex was anywhere near as satisfying as drinking human blood, then there certainly was no way I could allow it with Bella. I would lose control. And I would kill her.

Then I was abruptly, unpleasantly aware of a trickle of thoughts from both my brothers, and I choked on air; each was reliving his best sexual experience, in full detail. Images of Rosalie and Alice I had never, ever wanted to see swam before my eyes. They even narrated the events to themselves. Rose…Emmett was saying.

"Could the two of you please—" I hissed, shaking my head uselessly. "I can hear you."

Jasper started and quickly, efficiently cleaned up his thoughts—though not without a little struggle. His mental tone seemed somehow huskier than before. Sorry.

Couldn't help it, bro, Emmett said, and his ever-present grin flashed again. "But you just told us you're not exactly a saint, yourself."

"I know, I know," I said, eyes closed tightly—on cue, Bella floated into my thoughts: her pink-hued face, her endless chocolate eyes, her smooth skin, her warm body and enticing scent—and a groan escaped my lips. "But I can't." I opened my eyes and glared fiercely at Emmett, who had begun to say something. "And if you say one word about Viagra, I will rip out your tongue."

"Are we being helpful, at all, Edward?" Jasper inquired after he had kicked a snickering Emmett in the shin.

"I think so," I said, admittedly unsure what exactly I had gleaned from this, except that Emmett needed a muzzle. "As long as I have some idea of what to expect."

"It will be…extraordinary, Edward. Don't doubt that."

I had no doubts about it. I loved Bella with my entire being; honestly, it had rocketed me into the clouds when I discovered that she desired me. I had never really thought myself worthy, and I couldn't help but respond to her…it was immensely difficult to keep myself in check. Even now, my thoughts began to spin into fantasies.

Jasper put a hand on my shoulder in an unusual display of affection. "I believe that you can control yourself." His eyes glinted at me through the darkness.

"Seriously, Edward. If you love her that much then you won't hurt her," Emmett added. I bit my lip. Perhaps there was some truth to his words—but I couldn't yet allow myself to accept it.

"Don't think you'll be able to deny her for long," Jasper said, grinning at me as the three of us began to walk through the forest. "I'm fairly sure Bella is a girl who knows how to get what she wants."

"And that's you, baby!" Emmett hooted, clapping me on the back.

A dubious smile found its way onto my face. "You two are quite enlightening."

"Do we need to have a little talk about the birds and the bees?" Emmett asked seriously. I shoved him away from me as we picked up speed and sprinted off into the darkness, toward home.


End file.
